my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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