I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
