I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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