He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
