She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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