The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
