That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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