so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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