I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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