Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
