if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
