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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
