I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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