I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
