elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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