i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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