why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
