Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
