Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
