im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
