i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
