I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
