do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
