no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
