mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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