Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
