last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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