That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
