Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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