The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
