i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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