You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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