sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We had to coat check the pizza.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
