Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
