btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
