Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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