You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
