Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
