you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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