dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
