im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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