You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
