Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it's like iHOP with fire
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
