Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
