My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
