Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
