yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
