I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
