The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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