Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
