So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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