I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
