I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
