Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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