Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
