I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
