we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
